One Dirty Bitch

This is something you can't learn in film school. Here's the scene...

The two hosts of a Professional Wrestling radio show called the "Figure Four Leglock" are premiering the first webcast edition of their show which is the epitome of DIY and takes place in their living room. For their inaugural show they booked the world famous female professional wrestler, ODB (short for "one dirty bitch), the TNA 3-time Women's Knockout Champion. But Leroy, their friend and the main character of the film is hungover and passed out on the couch, only wearing his leather jacket and red Santa undies.

The way the scene was written the wrestler would get offended by Leroy and the complete lack of professionalism, walking out before the interview begins.

Then real life intervened. ODB entered, yelled "BAM!; grabbed her breasts like "The Situation" grabs his crotch and took a healthy swig from her flask.

REWRITE.

Obviously Leroy in his red Santa undies was not going to offend this "Bitch". Or that he spent the previous night in jail. For her, as she said in the scene, Jail "is just another Tuesday night." Plus we were fortunate to have her appear in our film, not to mention fly in a blizzard to get there...

...So we re-wrote the scene to reflect the real ODB's sensibilities, but essentially we just turned her loose.

At the point the flask comes out, you have two choices: force something you know isn't going to work just because it was on paper or take the ride of your life and discover what Tuesday night with ODB really means.

How To Fund Your Film: Get Hit By A Truck

In 2004 I was working as an accountant for my sister's construction company. Her company went bankrupt two years later. That was only partially my fault. I was a bad accountant, but not in the Nicholas Cage "Bad Lieutenant" way. I just couldn't do math. I did theatre on the side but it wasn't enough just like one hit on the crack pipe wasn't enough for the bad lieutenant. I was in credit card debt; and with the day job and theatre, I was working 6 days a week, 14 hours a day. Worse than that, I was starting to get secretary butt. I was praying for change even though it didn't occur to me where it could come from. Then one night, I was walking home from my play on 9th Avenue and as I was crossing 26th Street, a truck hit me. My legs were shattered and operated on four days later in Bellevue. Then I was transferred to a rehab center which was a euphemism for an orthodox Jewish nursing home, where I spent 6 months learning how to get from a bed to a wheelchair and crapping in a bed pan. Being run over was the best career move for me and I highly recommend it to other independent filmmakers. The money I received in my lawsuit has funded one short and two features. There is no money left now from the lawsuit so it is time for another career move, hopefully one just as a lucrative but does not involve using a bed pan.

A Party Isn't A Party Without The Beatards

One of my favorite bands is the Beatards. We used one of their old jams "Just Cool Out" in my last feature, PRE. But this time I had the idea to have them perform live in the film. DJO, Chuck Wild, and UTK came to the set at 10am (and you know most musicians don't even know there's two 10s in the same day) on a Saturday no less, pretty much directly from their gig the night before. Not only were they the definition of a PRO but they were also just damn cool. And take after take, performed their asses off for us. The day they came was our 6th straight 14 hour day in the shoot so their energy and infectious "dang diggy dang" reinvigorated the cast and crew. I've posted a link to their music video of "dang diggy dang". Check out the Beatard's website and see their new video "Get Lite". I look forward to the next bottle of tequila with DJO, Chuck Wild and UTK.

Can A Movie Succeed Without A Penis and Distribution Part 2

This is an actual score card from How To Score Your Life. It was created by me a long time ago when I wanted to put a number to my exciting life when it was at it's highest point as the world's worst accountant. I never guessed that what I used to punish myself would become the inspiration for a film. It's used and passed around by various characters in the film. We hope that the audience wants to put a number to their life after they watch it. The perfect score is 35 but who's going to get that today? Not me. You?

How To Score Your Life Promo Video

Here's how you get Times Square - guerilla style - on the coldest night of the year. It also helps when a Phantom Rolls Royce randomly drives by just as Sam Cooke sings, "...why do they fade my "phantom" parade of love..."



http://www.vimeo.com/9391869

Can A Movie Succeed Without A Penis and Distribution

Ten years ago a comedian told me the only film title worth anything was Horse Cock. In 2010, you'd have to add throbbing. Everyone knows the current state of affairs: independent films can't get distributed even if they are called Throbbing Horse Cock...unless Philip Seymour Hoffman and Lenny Kravitz's daughter are in it. But DIY hasn't advanced to the point where it's as viable an alternative as the independent scene back when your neighborhood video store would have a whole section devoted to DiCillo, Jarmusch, Rockwell, Hartley, Stillman, Baumbach, Holofcener and more. I'm not saying these were all classics but films like these were distributed until Pulp Fiction and Sex, Lies & Videotape changed what it meant to be successful.

What is success anyway?