How To Fund Your Film: Get Hit By A Truck

In 2004 I was working as an accountant for my sister's construction company. Her company went bankrupt two years later. That was only partially my fault. I was a bad accountant, but not in the Nicholas Cage "Bad Lieutenant" way. I just couldn't do math. I did theatre on the side but it wasn't enough just like one hit on the crack pipe wasn't enough for the bad lieutenant. I was in credit card debt; and with the day job and theatre, I was working 6 days a week, 14 hours a day. Worse than that, I was starting to get secretary butt. I was praying for change even though it didn't occur to me where it could come from. Then one night, I was walking home from my play on 9th Avenue and as I was crossing 26th Street, a truck hit me. My legs were shattered and operated on four days later in Bellevue. Then I was transferred to a rehab center which was a euphemism for an orthodox Jewish nursing home, where I spent 6 months learning how to get from a bed to a wheelchair and crapping in a bed pan. Being run over was the best career move for me and I highly recommend it to other independent filmmakers. The money I received in my lawsuit has funded one short and two features. There is no money left now from the lawsuit so it is time for another career move, hopefully one just as a lucrative but does not involve using a bed pan.